Update

[Gregory]

The wedding has been postponed. I do not know when it will occur. So far it's nothing bad but it seems the situation is out of my hands. Out of 16 years i've waited 10 of those years for the day that would never arrive. The Bride must still prepare for her future, a future her parents never taught her how to prepare for. Maybe by the time she's ready we can spend our honeymoon in retirement. heh.

I really shouldn't type while tired but I'll forget in the morning to mention the postponement like I have been doing the past few days.

[Grey]

Well that gives me more time to find something to wear. oO Seriously though. If you two are going to get married, then go and get married already. You're in the envious position of being in close proximity to your significant other, and you've clearly determined she is the significant other. I don't see any rational, logical, or practical purpose for dragging the engagement on its merry way towards infinity. Granted I'm like, a career bachelor, and probably the last person to dole out any sort of comment on this sort of subject, but it seems to me you either want to get married and get married, or you don't and you end the engagement. What stands out is your statement of it being out of your hands. If that's the case, then you either need to A) move on with your life if it is in fact out of your hands, or B) get it back into your hands. My two cents, worth probably not even that much.

[Gregory]

At the moment she's made of glass. She wasn't always this way and it's not her fault she has her illnesses. And though Love is not enough for Marriage I wouldn't even entertain the idea of leaving her. It's postponed, I'm not happy about it but I'm waiting regardless and besides, I haven't put my life on hold. I'm still getting ready to get my own place, I've purchased a car, excelling at work and having lots of fun. If anything, my upset feelings have more to do with why the wedding was postponed and not the fact that it's postponed. Her parents did her a diservice, they never prepared her for living on her own or acting independently. She's never had to make any serious decisions in her whole life. Even with this wedding she hasn't called anyone, and they just want her to take it easy, well it's more like her Father wants her to just keep things the way they are indefinitly, he's the kind of guy who's a miser with money and cares only for his bottom line and Bonnie taking any risks could hurt his checkbook, you would think a guy with that kinda of talent would pass this knowledge down to his daughters. He's even worried about her applying for social security as it may affect his benefits. I should just take her out of there, but I'd be taking on a dependant and not a partner. And at this time i'm in no position to care and provide for someone like they were my child.

I'll keep encouraging her to think and act for herself. She can do this just fine when she's dealing solely with me, I'm like the only person in the world she's not afraid to say no to or even get stubborn enough to piss me off. Everyone else she's scared to even argue with, she nods and agrees to everything they say no matter how absurd.

I've waited a long time, I've got the patience to wait longer.

[Moon Princess]

I don't have to worry about sending that wedding present now. It was sorta evident from her lack of wanting the make a decision about setting a date etc, as you stated last year, that perhaps there shouldn't of even been an engagement. She is who she is. You knew her and how she was when you asked her. Partner, dependent, and whatnot shouldn't make any difference since you've already asked her. There are all sorts of marriages. If that's not what you wanted or were prepared for then you shouldn't of asked.

What's the saying...don't put the cart before the horse.

[Gregory]

Interesting response, but I'm afraid you don't understand. Try living out there, the kind of person you marry does matter when you are on your own. So many marriages end in divorce because there was little thought or consideration behind it. It's not something you do because of necessity or status, unless ofcourse you want to be content with it being miserable or have it be very short. It's because you want a lifelong partnership, both parties must have the drive and ability to work together to survive and prosper. It's also good to have it be in addition, a loving emotional bond. NOTE: For Catholics and Lutherans, Marriage is necessary before living together. I thought I should add that point as non-Christians can have this without marriage.

Concerning Bonnie and I, there is a good reason for hesistation. She has no idea how to move on from her childhood. She gets jealous of watching other adults living thier own lives and tries to live like that but she doesn't know how and having her theropist and myself and friends and family come into the picture so late in her life makes it very difficult and slow going for things to click in her mind as to how to do things. Her joint disfunctions aren't helping matters either. But her and I are happy, and getting married is something we both have wanted for a long time, we're just not ready yet.

You're right about one thing, she is who she is, there's no plot or hidden agenda, Despite mental illness affecting her judgement at times she would never deceive or manipulate anyone. What is on the inside matches the outside. A rarity indeed.

Thanks ofcourse for you input on the matter but as I said before I'm still living my life and things are going well, the cart is off the street and it's not in anyone's way and the my horse will come in when it's ready.

[Grey]

Still strikes me as something of a cop-out. There is no great secret behind how to live as an adult, etc. She might be jealous, but not jealous enough to use as a motivation to change anything. It'd be like me sitting on my ass here in Atlanta bitching about low employment and the lack of jobs. You see a situation you want, or know you're in a situation you don't like, you change it. Not next year, next month, tomorrow, but as soon as you can. Every step you take from that point on leads towards that change. Its really as simple as that.

If you both are content with the present situation then that's all that matters. It sounds more like she isn't, and you definitely aren't but are trying hard to sound like you are.

[Gregory]

Yeah I know i sound like i'm making excuses but try to understand the psychological impact on a person's life who's never had thier life change since they were a teenager.

She's never had a bill in her name, never had a car, never managed her money, never left her home except for school, work and family functions. Her father managed everything. He served in the AF as a mechanic and he beleived that because he could keep the same airplane running that there is never a need to replace or change anything. He has the same 1973 Wisconsin Bell phones running though the house that were installed by the phone company at the time. He kept repairing the Zenith TV up untill 2005 and that baby was just as old. The house hasn't been painted in 3 decades, each room a different solid color (70's style) though the colors are quite faded except for Bonnie's which maintains it's ultra lemon yellow, though her wall has about a thousand holes from various pictures and posters from the past 2 two decades. None of this is an exaggertion, the man hates change. And I personally feel he doesn't want his second daughter to change either. Now two things can happen, either you leave running or you stay and submit. Her sister told him off one day and ran and never looked back, she's got a life for herself in Minnesota, 2 kids and a husband, she's having a tough life, needing to borrow here and there but she's getting by. Bonnie was convinced the best thing for her to do is stay at home and saver her money. The trouble is with her mental health with it's moments of stability and instability, her insurance which changes from 57 dollars to over 400 dollars per month depending on if she managed to meet the minimum hourly requirments to get the lesser invoice, and surguries to her shoulders and knees from decaying socket joints (sorry I don't remember the name of the illness, it's three words long is all I know) it's a little hard to save any money.

And no, I just don't go in and take her away form all that thinking that's the right thing to do, that's what you see in stupid adult love comedies and romance novels which end before you see the woman have 5 kids and cry for leaving her family and then hang herself leaving the husband with 5 mouths to feed on one income because she couldn't afford life insurance and the state thinks you make too much money for adequet benefits. And besides, you think i'm going to make enemies out of her family just to satisfy my needs? What if I need them in the future?

Her and I have vacation time set aside for the summer. Maybe I can use that opportunity to "call her bluff" if indeed that is what she's doing.

[Moon Princess]

I was simply pointing out your personal responsibility in asking her. Seems like you have expectations you want her to meet and she's not able to...yet you went ahead and asked her. Thus my comment about putting the cart before the horse. That she is who she is. You put yourself in this predicament. Now, you're not happy having to wait, but waiting regardless as you said. That's why I said perhaps there shouldn't of been an engagement yet. It adds pressure on her, that from what you say, she's not ready for since she can't make decisions.

I thought engagements were suppose to be brief cause there's no point in waiting to be one in marriage when "you know." It's suppose to be a brief period to plan a wedding so friends and family can celebrate it with you. Of course, who needs an engagement when you can always elope...

[Sagittarius Knight]

The key issue here is that it seems that Bonnie is unable to move on due to several factors, such as her dad coddling her and not showing her how to be independent, ever, and then there's her illnesses - mental and physical.

I don't know about calling it a "predicament" either. He loves her enough to want her to move on with her life, but she's just unable to. The cards dealt to him suck but he's still sticking to it, and I think that's pretty commendable if you ask me.

On the other hand though, Greg -- MY SCORPION MAILERS MIGHT GET THERE IN TIME NOW! Weather's crap though, so... let's hope they survive!

[Gregory]

Daniel: You pretty much have the situation exactly right. I'm doing a balancing act between serious constructive advise and easing her tensions with being funny...she loves to laugh and she confessed to me my dry sense of humor is what attracted her to me. Well that, and she's got a thing for blondes. heh.

Moon: You have it completely backwards. She's been the voice of coaxing and playful pressureing to get married. That's all she talks about. But she can't, she doesn't know how to leave the only home she's known and start her own life, and her parents are enabling her to stay and remain dependant. And hell yes I'm happy. Sure the wedding situation is a bummer but Bonnie and I have lots of fun together regardless and we've never been closer. We've been through some real serious shit in the past on more occasions that I like to count, but we only grow more bonded with each problem and we will get through this stronger still.

I wish I could get everyone to meet her. She doesn't have a computer and she likes to use mine solely for job search. Maybe I can convince her to voice chat or at least use the phone sometime soon...I bet Daniel would love that.

And yeah, those scorpions will be popsicles...another blizzard is moving in this weekend. Though we are having nice weather for the next couple of days.